It was February 2017 and I was cooling off in a swimming pool in Port Shepstone when I heard my cell phone ping. It was a whatsapp message from my partner with a link to a BBC newsflash explaining that an international venture capital company was making a hostile bid for my most important client[1]. “This won’t be good for business”, I said to no one in particular – before getting back into the pool.
It wasn’t. In order to beat off the threat, the CEO had promised the shareholders drastic cuts in spending which, in turn, would dramatically impact the company’s use of external consultants and advisors. In the blink of a whatsapp, at least 50% of my anticipated revenue for 2017 had vanished into the four winds.
What follows is an attempt to make sense of one of the scarier seasons[2] of my life. It offers perspectives on how a Christian is to journey through doubt and uncertainty whilst listening to the voice of God and acting accordingly. It explores the question of how to apply prophecy and words of knowledge to one’s circumstances. It looks at the middle ground in which so many of us flounder: the place between waiting for God to act and acting ourselves. Finally, it sheds light on the question of how we can live victoriously in Christ even when – by worldly standards, we are “failing”
*
I am a consultant specializing in the consumer marketing industry. Between April 2009 and the infamous whatsapp message, my business had been growing in leaps and bounds – at least financially speaking. Year in and year out – despite the occasional butterfly – I was reasonably assured of work from my “anchor client”. I had other prospects of course but there never seemed to be the time to develop them properly and I was inclined to stick with the “safer” and more “dependable” work on offer.
As lucrative as this had been, I’d gradually grown weary of the work. Its many rules and processes had choked out not only creativity but also alternative viewpoints such that I often came home feeling as if I’d failed. But since it kept paying the bills I just put up with it. In this corrosive “half-life” between financial success and lousy work, I was slowly losing my joy. Worse still, this state was becoming my “new normal”. But then the “Port Shepstone whatsapp” – in one sense an alarming news flash. In another, as we shall see, a call to adventure. Could God be trusted for more? Could he be relied upon to lead me into a new realm of growth and opportunity?
Interestingly, though my first reaction was fear it was not a paralyzing fear. I told myself that if God had seen to my every need for the last 8 years and caused my business to grow – fear was not a luxury I could afford. Nor, it seemed, was I entitled to it. As Bill Johnson once pointed out – “once you have experienced God’s provision in a particular area of your life, you forfeit the right to worry about that particular area ever again”.
The immediate challenge was figuring out what it all meant. A few years ago, when my brother’s wife was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, he wrote: “the hardest part of getting used to a new reality is trying to work out what the new reality really is!” Fear or no fear I resolved to understand the brutal facts behind the sudden “severance”. Was this to be a permanent thing? Could I expect any work in 2017 from this client? Understanding the brutal facts was a vital first step in my journey. In times of uncertainty, one is tempted to live with one’s dreamy interpretation of reality rather than reality itself. The news was not good – there was a certain “don’t call us we’ll call you” quality to the whole affair. But my investigations proved adequate in securing a few nuggets of insight and ultimately, to know that things had changed – probably for good.
When the breakthrough came, it wasn’t financial; nor would my client change his mind. In fact it’s hard to properly describe what happened outside of saying that something fresh began to invade my understanding. Three landmark discoveries stand out
The first came through a total stranger – a visitor to our church who Lisa and I were hosting for the weekend. On her final day with us, she cornered me in the kitchen saying she had something to tell me. I noted she was carrying two decks of playing cards: one a conventional deck (i.e. with Kings, Queens, Jacks, Jokers etc)…the other, the colourful card game UNO which has a different set of rules entirely. She held up the first pack:
“This deck is a picture of your work now”. I took it from her, wondering where the unusual demonstration was going. Holding out the second deck she said:
“And this is where you’re work is going - get ready for more color and fewer rules in the work you do. There’s going to be more fun … it will be a whole new game”
I was intrigued.
She continued:
“Have you heard the song ‘The Gambler’ by Kenny Rogers?”
“Sure”
“Okay, so you know the words?”
“I can Google them if I have to”
“Well I think the main chorus points to what your work is going to feel like.” She handed me both decks telling me to keep them somewhere close at Hand[3]
Later I Googled the Lyrics to Kenny’s song
You got to know when to hold 'em,
Know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealing's done.
Her words – unlike many prophecies I’ve received – instantly made sense. My work, up until this most recent development, had become repetitive and formulaic. There was too much process – too many rules. It was also too predictable – the stakes weren’t high enough to bring the best out of me. While it was producing income, it was wilting my spirit. Yet now the clearest of signs that change was in the air. But how would it play out? And in which areas of my life? And most importantly, how long would it take before the “fun” mentioned in the prophecy turned into “funds” in the bank account? While there were no forthcoming answers to those questions, the words from the country song suggested that a greater need for shrewdness and intuition would be needed to identify and exploit the opportunities around me. Also that some opportunities should be pursued regardless of whether it was immediately obvious how to monetize them.
The second discovery came as I was re-reading Stephen de Silva’s superb book on Biblical stewardship[4]. In the penultimate chapter he describes God’s goodness as a river that flows from the throne room of heaven. There are times in life, writes Da Silva, “that I am facing downstream with the good things of God flowing away from me. They are just beyond my reach, too hard to catch. At this point, I ask God to turn me around so I can see his throne – see his provision. It’s only then that I can see the Good things he is sending to me – more than I can contain. There is abundance here for everyone”. Da Silva explains that the more he became assured of God’s faithfulness and goodness, the more he was able to go beyond merely believing for good things. His faith now grew to believing God for the BEST things namely, – “everything I needed and more to fulfill all he had put in my heart to do”. But the key was positioning:
“I learned something else in the river, something I call positioning. While we don’t need to run around the river grabbing for good things, we do often need to position ourselves in a certain way to receive what God is sending us”
I am a visual person so this analogy really spoke to me. Faith is about expectation – I needed to re-orientate myself to see the beauty of the throne room and to anticipate the good that God was sending my way. And by “good” I don’t just mean financial blessing – I mean opportunities – chances to live out the life He has put on my heart to live. Chances to bless others. Chances for adventure. Chances to raise people up and to preach the Gospel.
The third came one morning while I was reading Ecclesiastes 11
“Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good”
Combined with the playing card prophecy and Kenny’s lyrics, I sensed God was saying there had to be a “casting” of my bread, a sowing of my seed regardless of how gloomy or uncertain conditions might appear. I didn’t have to know immediately what the outcome (or harvest) would be – I merely had to sow in faith. I merely had to know that faith was the key to unlocking the “good” and the “best” that God had in store for me.
That day, I wrote a memo to myself in my Journal:
“Apply yourself with equal fervour to each opportunity I bring to light – sow your seed and cultivate every opportunity – do it with all your might. BUT DO IT AS UNTO ME – AND IF YOU DO I WILL KEEP YOU OCCUPIED WITH GLADNESS OF HEART”
*
I’ve recently finished reading “The Lean Startup” by Eric Ries. In it, the author describes a startup as a “human institution designed to create a new product or service under conditions of extreme uncertainty.” This is a profound insight not just for the light it sheds on business but for the light it sheds on life itself. After all, isn’t life itself a “human institution”? Aren’t we humans required, in various ways, to make something of life be it in the form of jobs, service to family, country and humanity? And just like a startup, doesn’t life take place under conditions of “extreme uncertainty”? In fact, in almost every way, a human life is a lot like a startup!
As the safety net of my anchor client was pulled out from underneath me…as conditions of “reasonable certainty” gave way to conditions of “extreme uncertainty” – I suddenly saw my circumstances in the light of Ries’s now famous advice to entrepreneurs. Put simply: the only way for a startup to make progress is to design a lean prototype that can be tested and measured in the real world. Once tested and measured, the entrepreneur must quickly reflect on what he has learnt from the feedback before either refining his product or completely reinventing it. This is not just a question of “doing”, it is a question of “learning” as well. Learning by doing. In fact, Ries goes so far as to say, “the only way for the startup to win is to learn faster than everyone else”.
You may be thinking that all of this advice sounds a little too worldly for a Christian and, taken in isolation, you may be right. But combining the intriguing details of my “playing card prophecy” as well as the conviction that God not only had “good” things in store for me but “better” things too - I sensed a clarion call to embark on a whole new way of pursuing and responding to God. Could the key to an abundant life be a matter of playful experimentation with Spirit inspired ideas? Perhaps a small but calculated “road-test” of faith, (even if the results suggested failure), could teach me more about where the Spirit was leading than if I simply sat there waiting for God to act. Perhaps many such road tests would coalesce into a destination? Sure, it would be a lot like going down the proverbial rabbit hole but at least it would go somewhere and I’d be forced to tune into God’s voice, not as a once off but as a permanent disposition. In short, I’d be living! C.S. Lewis put it thusly:
“To a man on a mountain road at night, a glimpse of the next 3 feet of road may matter more than a vision of the horizon”
*
The opportunity to apply this newly found wisdom came in March when Lisa walked into my office with an advertisement for an upcoming conference in Joburg. The topic of this 2-day affair was an emerging strategic discipline that my partner and I had already introduced to a new but still small client. Though the idea had taken root in the business, other distractions had hindered any real moves to expand its application. The conference seemed to be coming at just the right time. But there were costs involved – flights to Joburg, enrollment, and accommodation – none of which could easily be passed on to the client in question. I also knew that in practice, many “summit conferences” fall shy of the lofty promises made in their PR materials and I was worried that the whole undertaking might be a waste of money.
I brought the matter to God but my prayers were tepid and flavourless – what looked like faith was really just an excuse for staying put. Then one day I found myself re-reading my journal. The “playing card prophecy”, the words to Kenny’s song and the river metaphor pointed to a very different sort of work life to the one I’d been living the past 8 years. For years my work had been a case of colour by numbers that had hardly called for faith at all. Suddenly God’s prompting was clear. “It’s not my decision to make – it’s yours. Decide what you’re going to do and step into it. But above all make your move and see what happens…”
Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. In the morning sow your seed, cultivate every opportunity – do it with all your might – but do it as unto the Lord.
In May we attended the conference. And true to my cynical expectations, it didn’t live up to its PR. In one particularly bad session I scribbled a note on a piece of paper and handed it to Alan who was sitting next to me: “we were right all along!” Had I come all this way to waste my money (really God’s money) and my time (really God’s time)? There had to be more…but what? “Your move God” I prayed defiantly, “let’s see what you can do with this”. A few speakers later I was scribbling another huffy note to Alan. “Africa’s a pretty hopeless place to learn about this stuff!” With that the scales fell from my eyes and the reason for our coming emerged with piercing clarity. The whole disappointing experience was God’s way of showing us that true insights could only be found beyond the borders of our continent. Our correspondence continued:
“We need to go to India – preferably get client to pay” – wrote Alan
I had been to India on business in 2016 had enjoyed the experience so much I vowed to return soon. But could we persuade the client that it was such a good idea that he would foot the bill? Then and there – on a piece of paper - we began to prepare our case. A 3 city Trip. Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore. A list of 5 companies whose names we knew to be synonymous with this new line of strategy. A rough calculation of costs and most importantly, the benefits our client could expect from the whole experience. It was a terribly long shot but I suddenly felt a surge of exhilaration about work I hadn’t felt in years. At last I was stepping out into the unknown.
Getting the client to agree proved to be a formality though it was one of the most nerve-wracking pitches I’d ever done. It was only when we came to putting the itinerary together that my faith in the whole undertaking was sorely tested. In total, it took nearly 4 months of e-mails, phone calls and cajoling to convince the Indian companies to host us.
The long-anticipated trip finally took place over 12 enthralling days in late September and it radically exceeded our expectations. What made the trip so remarkable was not the lessons we anticipated but those that took us by surprise. Put simply, our discoveries eclipsed not just our hopes but those of our client as well. In addition, the insights gained translated into a battery of strategic recommendations and project ideas a few of which are, as I write, awaiting approval for implementation. Even more amazing, Alan and I are in line to oversee them.
*
2017 was a weird year. My business posted the lowest revenue in 8 years. The opportunities I sensed God inviting me to pursue have yet to produce a meaningful payday. Yet strangely, I emerge from 2017 feeling stronger, more motivated and infinitely more fulfilled than I’ve ever felt since starting my own business. I have followed my instincts, made decisions, descended the “rabbit hole” without knowing where I would end up only to see God do amazing things on my behalf. True to his promise, he has truly kept me “occupied with gladness of heart”. He has sent, and is continuing to send, His best.
Have I succeeded? Success seems a terribly inadequate word to describe the way I feel right now. One thing I know is that I haven’t failed.
Jim Collins – one of the greatest business thinkers of the age and my most important work mentor – wrote a short book called “Hitting the Wall”. It’s a business book inspired by a life-long love affair of climbing in The Rockies. The most satisfying climbs says Collins, are “on sight” climbs – ascents that take place without any prior knowledge of the pitch. Such knowledge can include guidance from veterans, study of maps, books or photos. On an “on sight”, the climber must tackle the rock sight unseen; use his wits, figure it out as he goes along. In chapter 2 of “Hitting the Wall”, the author writes about “how to succeed without reaching the top” – the key is in knowing the difference between “failure” and “fall-ure”
“The difference is subtle, but it is all the difference in the world. In fall-ure, you still fail to get up the route but you never let go. Going to fall-ure means a full one hundred percent commitment to go up, despite the odds against you. You'll only find your true limit when you go to fall-ure, not failure.”
Collins reflects on an on-sight climb he once attempted in Colorado over 40 years ago – a moment when, faced with the choice of reaching for a vital handhold called the “Crystal Ball” or giving up…he gave up.
“Sure, I had less than a twenty percent chance of pulling through to the crystal ball, but because I let go, I'll never know for sure. Perhaps I would have had an extra reserve; perhaps I would have surprised myself and had an extra bit of power to hang on for one more move. Or perhaps—and this turned out to be true—the very next hold is better than it looks. And that's the rub. On the on-sight, you don't know what the next holds feel like. It's the ambiguity—about the holds, the moves, the ability to clip the rope—that makes 100 percent commitment on the on-sight so difficult and yet so exciting”
Collins returned to the same climb several times over the next three years. On each attempt when things got tough, he chose fall-ure over failure and each time, despite not getting to the top – he discovered something new about the rock and about himself. “I felt stronger and more satisfied after each attempt that ended in Fall-ure even though I never topped out,” he wrote. This perseverant spirit would eventually take him to the summit, much to the amazement of more expert climbers who had consistently failed on the same pitch.
The events of 2017 have convinced me that journeying with God is like an on-sight climb. And when we choose Fall-ure over failure, we cannot lose. As someone once said:
“The Christian walk is like two parallel railroad tracks – one called “Victory” the other called ‘breakthrough’”
A final illustration before I close[5]. Once a King called Jehoash of Samaria (the northern Kingdom of Israel) approached the great prophet Elisha – now on his deathbed. “My Father, my Father” he cried – “war is upon us!”
“Go and get a bow and some arrows” – said Elisha, “and when you are ready, open the East window and fire your arrows”. With each volley, Elisha proclaimed: “The arrow of God’s salvation – the arrow that will deliver you from your enemy”
“Now take your arrows and strike the ground” – said the prophet.
It probably sounded like a weird instruction – it still does today. But it came from the man of God so obedience was essential. Jehoash obeyed – but only half-heartedly. Self consciously no doubt, he struck the ground three times before quitting.
“Why didn’t you hit the ground five or six times?”, said Elisha, “then you would beat your enemy until he was finished. As it is, you’ll defeat him three times only.”
Jehoash DID defeat his enemy three more times but as victories go they were inconclusive and his foe remained a thorn in his side – and the side of his successors - for many years. Charles Spurgeon later preached a gem of a sermon[6] on this very topic. In his closing remarks he asks a question we would all do well to consider:
“Behold, the blessed promises of God are before you! You children of God may be rich, and blessed, and happy; will you leave His mine unworked?”
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