A friend once likened running your own business to jumping out of at 100 story building. As you hurtle past the 75th floor someone inside yells: "how's it going?" You answer - "so far so good!"
A curiously apt description for how I feel at the moment.
I read recently of how battle-hardened and even decorated soldiers of The Great War - in spite of prolonged exposure to fire - would suddenly lose their nerve and be court-martialled for cowardice.
I see a lot of me in that anecdote. Minus, of course, what Wilfred Owen called "the monstrous anger of the guns". The so-called "nerve" which spirited me from my corporate job 3 years ago - and which to some degree has sustained me ever since - is faltering once again.
The relative and inevitable lull which settles at the beginning of the year has me worrying about my future income as though the last 36 months of God's goodness and blessing had never actually happened.
Two things are behind this:
Comparison
When I compare myself to the financial/career struggles of my peers - more specifically the relative blessings I have enjoyed - something in my subconscious says: "it's just a matter of time before my fortune lapses and I am in the same boat as those poor souls. There's no way some of us can take all the blessings."
This view is flawed on so many levels it's not even worth unpacking. Instead, let me direct you to my post "Comparison Kills - That is All".
Sparrow Faith - or lack thereof
Probably one of Jesus' most profound illustrations (Matt 6:26) spoke to the type of faith he expected of his followers. Craig Hill, in his book "Wealth, Riches and Money" calls "Sparrow Faith" the "foundation cornerstone of Christian financial structure".
"This is an absolute trust and confidence and leaning of one's entire personality upon the fact that God loves me and will make provision for me. If I am working 40 hours a week for an employer, the money I receive is not my due from him, but rather provision made available to me by grace as a gift from my Father, who loves me. This fact then makes God my source of provision and my employer merely delegated as the current channel through which my provision comes."
Hill goes on to show how Sparrow Faith will serve us when the foundations of our employment are rocked, either by recession, re-structuring or something else:
"...my heart is not terrorized by fear of lack of provision, because my employer is not my source. The source has not changed. God's love for me has not changed. God may simply use a different channel through which to provide for my needs."
In closing, I was greatly heartened by the story of a Congolese refugee car guard who, having erected a rudimentary blackboard in the parking lot of a Paarl shopping centre, provided lively explanations to mathematical problems to whoever would listen. Once a maths teacher, Fernando Ogadi's obvious flair for sums soon caught the eye of a Sunward Park headmistress who was overwhelmed by his charm and who pulled strings to get him a job at a Boksburg school.
I suppose this story doesn't say much about Sparrow Faith or Comparison. Yet when you consider that guarding cars is probably one of the lousiest jobs you can have, the spirit and tenacity of this man is strangely encouraging.
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