Every once in a while I encounter circumstances that, in cricket terms, feel totally unplayable. I'm in that place now. It's a contract deadlock which, while not totally insoluble, involves a scrap over clauses that seem to cheapen the trust and respect built up with the client over the past 5 or so years. Call me a drama queen but it feels like I'm being treated as a criminal having to prove his innocence in a corporate court of law. In fact I feel like Jack Bauer, the un-killable CTU agent from the TV series 24. Jack is a noble warrior, a patriot, the original boy scout - but because of his unorthodox methods he's perennially distrusted by almost everyone from the President of the United States down...even though he's saving the world. It's a new feeling for me and not a welcome one. A more streetwise person might keep his perspective and stick to the basics. That person would say: "come on man, this is business - what do you expect?" Me? I'm still muddling along like a schoolboy. A schoolboy who just feels like lashing out.
It's at times like this that I realise how utterly bankrupt I am. What's served me this far fails to stand its ground against a new type of adversity.
What would the apostle Paul say at a time like this? Firstly I guess he'd say "hold true to what you have already attained and walk and order your life by that" (Phil 3:16). "You growing in truth and revelation is directly linked to you practicing the truth and revelation that you have already received"
He'd also say this - (OK, the Amplified quoting him would say): "Cultivate and fully complete your salvation with reverence and awe and trembling. Distrust yourself, exercise serious caution and tenderness of conscience. Watch against temptation, timidly shrinking from whatever might offend God and discredit the name of Christ".
Whew. That's a lot to take on board isn't it? But it does remind me that on the whole, my well-meaning flesh has nothing good to bring to the party. Part of this is what Hollywood's favourite prodigal Mel Gibson referred to as "hugging the cactus" - realising that on your own you are nothing. You have nothing. Certainly nothing that is going to make it's way through Heaven's Gates.
Paul was keenly aware of this. Reflecting on his once "spotless" Jewish reputation compared to the incorruptible spirit imparted to him on the Road to Damascus he wrote to the Philippians: (3: 17ff)
“But whatever was to my profit I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the Law but that comes through faith in Christ – the righteousness than comes from God and is by faith”
"Rubbish". "Skubalon". The greek word used there was the one commonly used to connote human excrement. Worthless. Detestable. It's like he was saying: "When I consider the things I thought were pretty cool and commendable about me, I feel like a child who has just emptied his bowels and is holding up his potty saying “look what I’ve done God”
Lots to think about.
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